Text: 2 Timothy 2:23; Titus 3:9

“But avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they generate strife.”

“But avoid foolish disputes, genealogies, contentions, and strivings about the law; for they are unprofitable and useless.”

Desmond, a 400 level law student met Anne, a 100 level Philosophy student at the University of Lagos.  What started as an innocent friendship quickly blossomed into a very serious relationship.  Anne had a dysfunctional background while Desmond was from a close knit family. A few months into the relationship Desmond noticed Anne had issues with trust amongst many other things. Being the more mature one in the relationship, he felt he could nurture her and help her become a better and more trusting person.
They were a beautiful couple as far as everyone was concerned, infact, they were a celebrated one. Desmond was sure he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her but he was a bit concerned because they could never agree on anything.  He expressed his concerns to an elderly couple who told him, opposites attract. The theory was pleasing to his ears so he accepted it and they continued their relationship. He graduated and started working at his father’s reputable law firm.  Even his decision to work for his father which seemed the most reasonable thing to do considering the fact that he was taking over the law firm when his dad retired was unacceptable to Anne.
During courtship, they tried to resolve their endless, unfounded arguments. He usually apologized and they swept many issues under the carpet.
Every decision he took from the time he met Anne was met with opposition but he felt it would be exciting to get married to a strong woman. After dating for 6 years , they got married. Most times, Desmond had to let Anne have her way so that peace could reign but he soon got tired of the constant bickering. As a last attempt to save the marriage, he suggested they go for counseling with a pastor, but they couldn’t even agree on which pastor it will be.
Now, he wants out ! Unfortunately, Desmond is not alone.

Consequences of Adultery

“Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding; He who does so destroys his own soul. Wounds and dishonor he will get, And his reproach will not be wiped away.” Proverbs 6:32-33

Adultery has painful consequences, affecting the adulterers physically, emotionally and spiritually. It is said to be the number one reason for divorce. The emotional scars of guilt, fear and anxiety can devastate everyone affected by adultery.

1.    It can cost your wealth

•    In our text, Solomon pleads with his children to stay away from the immoral woman (vv. 7-8).
•    His first reason: “Lest you give your honor to others....” (v. 9a)
•    He reiterates: “Lest aliens be filled with your wealth, And your labors go to the house of a foreigner.” (v. 10)

Child support, in case of unwanted pregnancy, and the support of the strange woman can eat away at your finances.

2.    It can cost your physical health

•    Solomon’s second reason: “...and your years to the cruel one.” (v. 9b) 
•    He adds: “And you mourn at last, when your flesh and body are consumed.” (v. 11)
•    Bacterial STDs (e.g., Chlamydia, syphilis, gonorrhea) are often brought on by immorality.
•    Viral STDs (e.g., genital herpes, Hepatitis B, AIDS) are incurable.

Sexually transmitted diseases can eat away at your body.

Clara, a young happily married woman has a dream job in a blue chip company. One of the things she had going for her apart from being extremely attractive was her competence and diligence. Her life was the perfect picture as far as she was concerned, until she was transferred to another department. It was not the job description that was her problem, it was the chemistry that existed between her and her new boss. John was suave, witty, intelligent and good looking. Clara did not feel she had a problem with her husband until John who was a more mature and experienced man began to shower her with compliments and attention. Initially, Clara was in control but after a while, she looked forward to the time they had together and she began to dress up deliberately to suit his taste. The seemingly innocent friendship became a secret smile here, more intense conversations and a flirtatious touch there.  Clara is a Christian and she has increasingly become uncomfortable with the way things are heating up between her and her boss. Her thoughts are: When does this heart affair become adultery? What exactly is adultery? What are its causes and consequences?

Without doubt, the beginning of a blissful marriage is obedience to God from the start. Unfortunately, many Christians disobey God in the choice of a life partner and so start their marriage on a faulty foundation. Those who have disobeyed God by refusing to heed the scriptural injunction not to be unequally yoked together with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14) have often had sorry tales to tell. As the Bible states, “Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” (Amos 3:3)

The truth is, you cannot marry someone who does not share the same values and beliefs with you and expect him to play by your rules—the rules of the Bible. But if you have already made that mistake, do not give up; there is still hope. You can ask God for mercy and receive the grace to relate appropriately with your spouse and provide the needed leadership in the home. Much more, you can ask God to touch his or her heart so that he or she will come to the same side with you. 

Remember, leadership in marriage comprises two people – the man and the woman. On a broader scale, however, it comprises the whole family because even the children have a role to play in this leadership setting. Part of their role will include helping their parents to function effectively by submitting to their authority. In some African settings, older children are delegated some responsibilities over their younger ones. In that regard, the leadership in the home is broad based; it involves everybody.