Clara, a young happily married woman has a dream job in a blue chip company. One of the things she had going for her apart from being extremely attractive was her competence and diligence. Her life was the perfect picture as far as she was concerned, until she was transferred to another department. It was not the job description that was her problem, it was the chemistry that existed between her and her new boss. John was suave, witty, intelligent and good looking. Clara did not feel she had a problem with her husband until John who was a more mature and experienced man began to shower her with compliments and attention. Initially, Clara was in control but after a while, she looked forward to the time they had together and she began to dress up deliberately to suit his taste. The seemingly innocent friendship became a secret smile here, more intense conversations and a flirtatious touch there.  Clara is a Christian and she has increasingly become uncomfortable with the way things are heating up between her and her boss. Her thoughts are: When does this heart affair become adultery? What exactly is adultery? What are its causes and consequences?

Often we hear that someone we know has committed adultery. The question usually is: Why did he/she do it? As Christians, are we all exposed to the same temptations that make some fall by committing adultery or only some are exposed? Can we better handle such situations, when they come, and thus avoid the sin of adultery? It will be interesting to know what Clara has not done right…till now. 

The truth is, people do not usually set out to commit adultery. Most often, it snags them before they know what is happening.

What is Adultery?

The Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary defines adultery as voluntary sexual intercourse between a married man and someone other than his wife, or between a married woman and someone other than her husband. In other words, it is having sex with someone who is not your spouse. According to the Biblical definition, adultery is a sexual act committed outside of a marital relationship and against the marriage (John 8:4).

Two issues can be clearly identified in adultery:

1)    The act: a married person commits adultery if he or she physically engages in sexual acts with someone who is not his or her spouse.
2)    The thought: a married person commits adultery when he or she has a lustful desire for someone other than his or her spouse.

Clara’s situation becomes all the more dicey when one considers what Jesus said: “But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman (or man) to lust for her (or him) has already committed adultery with her (or him) in his (or her) heart.” Matthew 5:28 

Also known as infidelity, “adultery” is used interchangeably with terms such as cheating, extramarital sex or having an affair.

Adultery continues to be huge concern. According to a recent CNN/Times poll, most Americans polled believe it is morally wrong, and worse than prostitution or teen sex. Ironically, 69 percent of those polled knew men who were in adulterous affairs, while 60 percent of the women polled said they knew of women who were in adulterous relationships.

Causes of Adultery

A person commits adultery when there is something that triggers him or her to defy the very vows he or she made on his or her wedding day to be faithful to his or her partner. Such would include:

•    Unnecessary familiarity with the opposite sex. This is definitely the case with Clara. She has allowed the relationship between her and her boss become more than what it should be: official. Familiarity will always bring about attachment. That is why workplaces often provide a fertile ground for marital unfaithfulness.
•    Sexual deprivation in the home.
It is more difficult for a spouse who is sexually satisfied at home to commit adultery.
•    Revenge.
Unrestrained anger at a partner can cause some to do anything. Sometimes a man or woman whose partner is in an adulterous relationship seeks to get back at his or partner by having an affair.
•    Uncontrolled sexual habits before marriage.
Some carry over their pre-marital amorous desires and sexual habits into their marriage. This can cause infidelity.
•    Poverty.
There are some who would never have thought of committing adultery but for some dire financial circumstances. 
Catalysts
The following may serve as catalysts to adultery:
•    Waning physical attraction between a married couple.
•    Chronic illness or disability.
•    Tension and conflict in marriage due to any of a number of factors such as financial problems, long periods of separation, in-law problems and career problems.
•    Critical life events such as death, rejection, being uprooted, personal failure or life transitions.
•    One partner feeling that his or her needs are not being met.
•    Emotional emptiness.
•    Need for sexual variety or inability to resist a new sexual opportunity.
•    Alcohol or drug addiction.
•    Growing apart.
•    Lack of conflict resolution skills.

Surprisingly, success is also a risk factor in adultery because it often increases attractiveness to others.

We are not sure which of the above catalysts are present in Clara’s marital relationship, but it is safe to assume that there could have been a number of them.