ARGUEMENTS IN MARRIAGE - PASTOR TAIWO ODUKOYA

Text: 2 Timothy 2:23; Titus 3:9

“But avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they generate strife.”

“But avoid foolish disputes, genealogies, contentions, and strivings about the law; for they are unprofitable and useless.”

Desmond, a 400 level law student met Anne, a 100 level Philosophy student at the University of Lagos.  What started as an innocent friendship quickly blossomed into a very serious relationship.  Anne had a dysfunctional background while Desmond was from a close knit family. A few months into the relationship Desmond noticed Anne had issues with trust amongst many other things. Being the more mature one in the relationship, he felt he could nurture her and help her become a better and more trusting person.
They were a beautiful couple as far as everyone was concerned, infact, they were a celebrated one. Desmond was sure he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her but he was a bit concerned because they could never agree on anything.  He expressed his concerns to an elderly couple who told him, opposites attract. The theory was pleasing to his ears so he accepted it and they continued their relationship. He graduated and started working at his father’s reputable law firm.  Even his decision to work for his father which seemed the most reasonable thing to do considering the fact that he was taking over the law firm when his dad retired was unacceptable to Anne.
During courtship, they tried to resolve their endless, unfounded arguments. He usually apologized and they swept many issues under the carpet.
Every decision he took from the time he met Anne was met with opposition but he felt it would be exciting to get married to a strong woman. After dating for 6 years , they got married. Most times, Desmond had to let Anne have her way so that peace could reign but he soon got tired of the constant bickering. As a last attempt to save the marriage, he suggested they go for counseling with a pastor, but they couldn’t even agree on which pastor it will be.
Now, he wants out ! Unfortunately, Desmond is not alone.

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QUESTIONS FOR THE WEEK

I live with a man to whom I am not officially married and also have children for him. I desire to end the relationship but he will not let me go with the children. This always causes a fight between us and I am so unhappy. What can I do?

Answer:   
You took the wrong step by choosing to live with a man to whom you are not married and as it is often the case in this type of relationship, you have become insecure, hence your agitation for making the arrangement legal.

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Men Ask

How do you resolve sexual conflict in marriage?

Answer:
One of the reasons for sexual conflict in marriage is the fact that women tend to use sex as a weapon, although sometimes unknowingly.
Although arguments are not desirable, they sometimes occur and when they do, they leave both parties disturbed and sour. For a woman, arguments affect her emotions and she gets disturbed and when her husband says “I love you”, she wonders, “Do you really love me?” because she feels a man who professes to love her should not have said or done things to her the way he did. She gets personal and her reaction is, “Don't touch me”. But the man, pressed for sex is surprised and wonders why the little argument should result in this attitude, so he gets angry. At this point, if care is not taken, the man begins to keep malice. Men are not quick to talk, but desire to talk as much as women.

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